If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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