I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
