God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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