I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
