I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
