Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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