Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
