I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
