He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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