So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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