is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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