this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
