It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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