I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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