her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
