Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
