Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
