im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
