We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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