I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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