Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
