I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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