woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
