toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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