i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
