you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
