Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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