Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
