end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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