Got a toothbrush?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
