I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
