Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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