I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
