think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
