i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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