She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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