He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
