some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
