just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
