Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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