You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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