I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I need a beard to bite.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
