i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
