New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
