P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
cat food counts as protein by the way
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
