It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
