Your face is a jimmy john
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
