God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
