Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
