and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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