Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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