So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
