Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
